9 Period Positions Everyone With A Uterus Has Mastered

Big fan of the “I Am One With the Couch” position.

1.

The “I Am Now a Starfish” position:

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When you have absolutely NO energy to get up out of bed and deal with life.

2.

The “Fetal Forever” position:

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When the cramps are so bad, you curl yourself up into the tightest ball possible.

3.

The “I Am One With the Couch” position:

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When you’ve mustered enough energy to get up, but only so far as your sofa, where you plan to spend the next 24 hours bingeing TV, eating junk food, and sleeping.

4.

The “SpongeBob Meme but With Pain” position:

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When you’re at school/work/wherever and the cramps really kick in, and you just have to wait it out because you don’t have any painkillers on hand (or they’re just not working)… There’s not much you can do but put your head down and wait for the pain to pass.

5.

The “OK, Now the Pain Is Shooting Through My Back?!” position:

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When your cramps decide to leave your uterus temporarily and vacation somewhere in your lower back. GOOD TIMES.

6.

The “I Guess I Live Here Now” position:

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When you have to spend what feels like an eternity on the toilet because there’s just a lot of blood, and poop, and who the heck knows what else coming out, and you think to yourself, “Welp, no point in getting up now.”

7.

The “Let’s Burn This Motherfucker Down” position:

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When you need ALL the heat to ease your cramps.

8.

The “I’ve Done It!” position:

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When you’ve found JUST the right positioning of body parts to stop your cramps, and you don’t want to move because you’re afraid if you do the cramps will come back.

9.

And, of course, the “It’s Finally Over!” position:

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When your period finally ends and you feel an overwhelming sense of joy so good that it feels like you’re floating…until next month, anyway.

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